I had to pause many times while reading this; the tears started coming and they wouldn’t stop. I cry for many reasons: I know how much your Mom and Dad loved each, I see the sadness in your Dad’s eyes – that certain spark is gone, you girls were much too young to lose your Mom – there was so much more she had to share with you. I cry for my own selfish reasons: I didn’t realize today marks a whole year she’s been gone and when I saw you this morning I didn’t give you a comforting hug, and because this brings back a flood of memories from when I lost my Dad. Raw, unbearable pain. A void so huge, so dark that you wonder how you will ever survive. Moments of unbelievably  reality that he is gone – forever! Never again will I hear his gentle voice. Never again will I enjoy his familiar scent. Never again will I feel his comforting hug. Never. Never is grossly final when you lose someone who means so much to you. Never gives you a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that is so deep that you feel yourself sucked into it’s black hole of infinity. It hurts so f#$king much! Then out-of-the-blue one day when a memory pops up in my mind and rather than bursting into tears, a smile curls a corner of my mouth upward – ever so slightly. Then the time I cry myself to sleep. But after a while the memories make the smiles become wider, and the smiles are more frequent than the tears. After 11 years I still have those dark moments of unbearable loss, but they are fewer and farther between. I’m a talker so I talk about my Dad, my knight in shining armour, my first true love. I share stories about him to anyone who will listen. I tell my nieces, who were so young when he passed, everything I possibly can about their Grandpa. Daddy’s spirit lives on. I know this because sometimes I sense his presence in the room or I catch a whiff of his cologne, and when I’m struggling I feel his hand on my shoulder telling me to press on. Press on dear Sara. Your Moma is right beside you ❤️❤️❤️ReplyCancel